The Depressing Reality of Christmas - A very Black Christmas
by viv-heart
Summary: Christmas isn't merry for everyone. Let's not pretend otherwise. Sometimes you can't help yourself but to hate the holiday as it reminds you of all the things you have lost. But sometimes reminding yourself that you aren't alone with your feelings helps. Stay strong. With Love, your personal Grinch Divided into 3 parts, 6 drabbles each. Canon character death, alcoholism, depression
1. Andromeda

**AN: This is a work about people with anything but perfect lives. There are people out there who feel the same way as they do. I wrote this for them. I wrote this for all the people who aren't happy. Who don't have perfect friends and families.**

 **ooo**

Andromeda – after she left

Andromeda couldn't sleep. She rolled from one side to the other but it was in vain. Her thoughts were keeping her away. Christmas was tomorrow and it would be the first one since she left her family.

Her eyes fell on Ted who was sleeping peacefully next to her. No, she hadn't left her family. She had chosen one. Somebody who would kick her out because she fell in love with somebody they didn't approve of wasn't family.

But not everybody had that mindset, Andromeda reminded herself. Sirius told her she made the right choice. Cissy didn't care, she just didn't want to lose her sister. And even little Regulus had told her he wanted her to stay. But they were all children. Even Cissy who had turned 16 was not more. They all shoved that hate wasn't in your blood. No. It was learned.

Andromeda took a deep breath. She was wondering how they were doing. All of them. She was sure Narcissa was being watched closely while Bellatrix enjoyed the praise she had always wanted. Her union with Lestrange surely brought her that.

Sirius was probably getting into even more trouble than before. He had been the black sheep of the family since he had been sorted into Gryffindor. The black Sheep of the Black family. How ironic, Andromeda thought. Did anybody still expect him to become the head of the house or were they waiting till he left?

Then the duties would fall to Regulus. Sweet little Regulus who was so easily influenced. Who they all wanted to influence. The scarred little boy who admired his brother more than he would ever admit while fearing his mother too much.

Andromeda startled when a hand fell on hers. She turned to see that Ted was awake. "Thinking about your family again?" he asked, his voice heavy with sleep.

Andromeda nodded and he sighed before leaning over and kissing her forehead.


	2. Regulus

Regulus – after Sirius left

It was raining. Of _course_ it was. After all, they lived in London. Regulus averted his eyes from the window. He hated rain. Hearing the raindrops made him realize how quiet it truly was. Especially since Sirius left. Before, there had been loud muggle music coming from his room or the shouting matches with their mother that made it impossible to hear the rain fall. But not anymore. No, _now_ he could hear every single drop hit his window. He hated it.

Regulus sighed and rubbed his tired eyes. He wished he could just go and sleep till he had to go back to Hogwarts. But that wasn't possible. The Christmas Dinner would start soon. The whole family was coming.

Regulus snorted. The _whole family_. Sure. Because Sirius wasn't family. Or Andromeda. Of course. Because it was so easy to erase people you were supposed to love from your life. Sure. He wasn't sure who he hated more. Sirius and Andromeda for leaving or everybody else for making them leave.

He missed them both. They made family-gatherings bearable. Andromeda with her kindness and Sirius… He had saved him from trouble so many times, protected him from the adults' anger. And now he left. He left him all alone.

Sure, he had asked if Regulus wanted to leave with him. Told him that it was his last chance or Sirius would cut every string tying them together but he couldn't. Or could he?

No, it was too late anyway. Sirius was gone and Merlin knew where and the first Christmas Dinner without him was approaching rapidly.

Regulus sighed and looked into the mirror. He checked himself once over and put on his fake smile. He had to look his best. Now, with Sirius gone, all eyes would be on him and he couldn't disappoint. Or could he?


	3. Narcissa 1

Narcissa 1 – after Voldemort's disappearance

Narcissa was sitting at the edge of Draco's bed and stroked the sleeping boy's hair absentmindedly. It had been his second Christmas and it had been only the three of them – Draco, Lucius and herself. Narcissa wasn't sure how she felt about it. She was used to bigger celebrations but that wasn't possible anymore. Most of those who had been there in the past were dead. Her parents and Orion passed from old age but Regulus… Narcissa wasn't entirely sure what happened to the boy. He had been barely an adult when he disappeared. She had asked Bellatrix if she heard anything but even she hadn't known anything.

Thinking of her older sister, Narcissa grimaced. She didn't know what exactly happened to Bella but she had changed rapidly since she took the Dark Mark. Narcissa would have blamed it on that, but Lucius wasn't affected the way Bellatrix was. There had to be more to it. If Narcissa was honest to herself, she was glad that Bellatrix ended up in Azkaban even if she would never say so aloud. It wasn't that she didn't like her oldest sister, but she didn't really want her around Draco. She could be so cruel. Even to children. Or especially to children. She had witnessed how Bellatrix tormented Sirius and Regulus often enough after all.

Speaking of Sirius, Narcissa still couldn't comprehend how he had ended up in Azkaban. Of all the people to follow the Dark Lord he was the one she expected the least. It didn't make sense. Narcissa shook her head. It did make sense. He ended up locked away because he was inconvenient for somebody who held power.

Narcissa wasn't stupid. She wasn't very close with her cousin but she knew that he had been best friends with Potter and that he would never harm anybody he loved. Regulus had been the best example. Meaning that there was something shady going on. But she couldn't really blame the person in charge. Sirius could be a real menace after all. It was impossible to guess what he would do next.

Narcissa had contemplated investigating the whole mess just to clean the family's name but she had to agree with Lucius that it would be too risky. He had barely avoided Azkaban as it was and trying to get out a supposed Death Eater would definitely land him there. And Narcissa didn't want her son to grow up without a father. Draco would always come first. Before the family name and before her estranged cousin.

Narcissa had even contemplated contacting Andromeda about the matter but she couldn't decide if it was a good idea or not. Andromeda has always been kind and nice. She had loved her as a kid. But they hadn't spoken since Andromeda hat led and Narcissa feared her reaction.

Sirius' case could make it easier for Andromeda to accept Narcissa, but it was hard to tell if Andromeda believed in Sirius' innocence or not. If she did, it would be Narcissa's chance to reunite with her sister, if she didn't, she would lose her forever.

And Narcissa didn't want that. She wanted to get her sister back. She was lonely. Sure, she had Lucius and Draco but that wasn't enough. And aunt Walburga really wasn't helping.


	4. Sirius

Sirius – hiding in his childhood home

Sirius threw another empty bottle against the wall and watched as it broke before reaching behind himself for another one just to realize there weren't any left. He growled tried to stand up. Everything was spinning.

Sirius cursed but managed to get on his feet. How much had he drunk? He didn't know. But judging by the glass on the floor quite a lot. That hadn't been the plan. Or had it? Why had he drunk so much? Was it because of the place? Because of his mother's screeching portrait on the wall he hadn't managed to remove yet? Dumbledore's stupid rules? Not being able to see Harry or Remus for that matter? Because Peter had gotten away?

As he stumbled around the house, Sirius' eyes fell on Regulus' closed door.

Ah, yes. Christmas. The family feast. That's why he decided to get smashed. Sirius snorted. Had been a good choice. He hated Christmas.

Sirius walked over to the door and pushed it open. He hadn't been in Regulus' room since he left all those years ago. He avoided it since he moved in. After all, he had no idea what happened to his brother and feared what he would find in the room.

Proof that he was truly evil? Or something entirely different? His corpse or a message that he was hiding from Voldemort somewhere in the Carribean? Everything was possible and Sirius wasn't sure that he wanted to know the truth. But he had to look inside eventually. And since he was already feeling like shit and was pretty drunk on top of that it seemed to be a good moment to do it.

Sirius looked around. Not much had changed. He went over to the desk and started to go through the things on it, throwing everything he deemed unimportant on the floor.

He continued to go through the whole room like that but didn't find anything.

"No Christmas present for me as it seems," Sirius muttered before kicking the chair. It helped. Sirius took it and threw it against the wall. Oh yes, it really helped.

Sirius trashed the whole room, letting out the anger and grief he held in himself for so long before he collapsed on the floor, sobbing.

He hated his family. He hated his life. And he hated Christmas for reminding him that he cared.


	5. Narcissa 2

Narcissa 2 – 6th year

Narcissa was sitting on Draco's empty bed. He was staying at Hogwarts over the Christmas break. They had told him to so he would be safe from the monster that lived in their house.

With Voldemort residing in the mansion, he wouldn't be. The Dark Mark on his arm proved that.

Narcissa sighed. It had been a very hard year. And the next would be even harder. If she survived until then. She feared the Chistmas dinner already. Why did wizards even celebrate Christmas? And more important, why did Voldemort insist on celebrating it? Probably to show them their place, Narcissa mused.

Bellatrix would sit on his side and laugh in her face. She would show Narcissa how inferior she was even though she had stayed out of Azkaban. Or maybe because she had stayed out of Azkaban.

Narcissa only wished that Bellatrix would return there. She was a danger for her and Lucius and more importantly Draco. She didn't want Bella anywhere near her son. She was sure about that now.

If she had to choose a sister to be around the boy she would take Andromeda at any rate. But Narcissa knew it had been a good choice to not reach out to her sister all those years ago. If she had had and Bellatrix found out, they would have been dead the moment Bellatrix escaped.

It was a pity since Narcissa was sure that Sirius had been innocent. But that's what happens when one has priorities – and keeping Draco safe was still priority number one. Even if it meant that she had to sell her soul.


	6. Draco

Draco – 6th year

Draco was reading the same sentence for the third time. Theo and Blaise were talking about something stupid next to him. They were the only other Slytherin 6th years that stayed over for the Christmas break. Draco wasn't too happy about that. They could be so fucking annoying.

Both were a little too observant and that could be dangerous as Draco wasn't sure about their stance on blood-purity. If they got wind of something they shouldn't and told a teacher or even Dumbledore himself his mother would die. And he couldn't allow that. No, he wouldn't allow that. He didn't want his mother to die and he would do everything to protect her. Even let Death Eaters into Hogwarts or kill Dumbledore.

He had to. For his mother. He missed her, but he knew that he couldn't go home over the break. Not with the Dark Lord and his crazy aunt around. He would only endanger himself and his mother. He couldn't risk that.


End file.
